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There are a lot of labels put onto anxious people that can feel heavy: pursuer, overfunctioner, people pleaser, codependent and, clingy.
None of these labels feel good, but there is some truth to them.
Dealing with this can often be such a painful reminder of what you’ve lost that we often put off sorting things out.
In my mind, I was going to save this poor, sweet guy who had been hurt by some mean girl. I pulled him aside after a little while and asked, "What are we? Things went on like this with us for a few more months, a pattern of hot and cold, which resulted in super-high highs mingled with constant disappointment and resentment. I deserve better." I realized I deserved my man to be hot and hot versus hot and cold. Dating someone who is hot and cold just makes you feel bad about yourself. When the person is hot, you are on top of the world, only to be pulled down (with hurricane-force winds) when he or she decides to be cold again.
So, why do people choose to be hot and cold in certain relationships? A deep, meaningful relationship is one that is hot and hot.
What if your partner’s way of coping with hard things is to withdraw and take time to themselves?
How do you handle your own insecurities and worries amongst getting to know someone new?
Perhaps the most important thing is learning from what happened. This means not accepting blame from a partner that you are the one who was solely responsible for things not working out.